my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
