i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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