You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
