I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
