is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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