Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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