Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
