My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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