i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
