nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
