You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
