i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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