tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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