this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
