i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
