Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
