why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize