He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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