U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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