i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
