There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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