The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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