The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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