You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
