is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
