She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
