You're a womanizer and a bitch.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
