Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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