this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
