Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
