I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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