Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im calling her cock vulture from now on
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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