I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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