a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
