he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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