I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
