I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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