Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
