i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
