Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
