there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
