this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
