Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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