the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
