I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
