I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
