this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
