The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
