if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
