Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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