but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
