did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
