i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
