There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
