so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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