so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
