I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i love accidental penises.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
