she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
