Soap is not a condiment
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
