when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize