On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Can I color on your dick again?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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