can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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