i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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