alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
