i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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