I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
