On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
