Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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