I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
