Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
