literally had 100 drinks last night.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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