my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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