If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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