Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
