On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
