We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
