we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
