I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Your cock deserves a montage
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I did not marry a roomba.
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