Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
