so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
