he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
