this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
