can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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