the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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