11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
