She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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