Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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