hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
