I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
