The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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