Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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