White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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