I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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