Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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