So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
