Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
