After last night, I could never be a politician.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
