it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
