when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
