man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
