I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
