It's Friday. Sex?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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