my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
