Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
