she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
