Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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