Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize